You will NEVER be a male performer

Sad Bananas

Despite the fact that I am a lesbian and a girl/girl porn producer, I still get emails/facebook messages/tumblr missives/various and sundry communiques almost every day from dudes who want to be male porn stars. Most of these people live in countries that are not the United States, and cities that are not Los Angeles. At times, I feel compelled to share some straight talk (from the gayest woman  in porn) with these I decided to make this post to contain my thoughts on the subject so I could just link to it the next (twenty) times I've got to dash some guy's porno dreams.

Here's the thing about porn. It's a fucking business. Sure, it's sex too, but it's a business first. If you live outside the states and your country does not have a porn industry of its own (countries that do include France, the UK, and Hungary), your chances of making it in porn decline exponentially. If you are in India or Africa, you are about as likely to become male talent as to become the president of the United States.

In order to shoot for a US porn company, because of 2257 regulations, you must have US ID. Think about this for a second. In order for a company to shoot you, they'd need to get you to the United States and get you said ID. This for a job that, at the newbie/lower end pays a couple hundred bucks. Nobody, ever, is going to do this for untested, untried, broken-English-speaking male talent when there's a jillion dudes who want this job. That's great that you can "fuck girl for 2 hour no cummm" or whatever the fuck you feel compelled to write to me's a fantasy and it will never happen.

Even if you're in Los Angeles, this is not an easy career path to embark on. Here's some ways that dudes get into porn:

1. Start on the gay side. Gay companies are more inclined to give a newbie a chance.

2. Come up through the bukkake lines. This is less true these days, since this kind of porn isn't shot so much anymore, but start doing $50 gigs as a forgettable load-dumper and move your way up through smaller group shoots, getting ass-fucked by a dominatrix with a strap-on, fucking GILFs and whatever else you need to do to finally get the notice you feel you deserve.

3. Have a hot girlfriend who wants to shoot porn, especially if she will only shoot boy/girl with you. You will hold her career back, she will eventually dump you and your "one penis policy" hangups and go on to greater things...but you'll get that elusive chance to get your foot in the door. Having very close friends in porn is a sort of 3B. If your best bud from college is a gangbang director...maybe he'll throw you a bone on video.

4. Fucking pay for it yourself. Invest in equipment, pay talent, and market your own shit. There's a lot of guys who do this, and make money...but you'll have to be good at the job, have enough money to get started, and jump through all the hoops it takes to get porn distributed in a marketable way in the age of free porn on the Internet.

So stop sending me your dick pics. I can't help you. This has been a public service announcement.


  1. It’s a good thing that I don’t want to be a male performer. For one I’m a bit camera shy and secondly I’m more of a behind the scenes sort of individual. You wouldn’t happen to know what sort of spots are available for that sort of position, do you?

    1. I could probably write another post about how I can’t get you crew jobs. You’ll need at least one but preferably two of the following two things.

      1. Full equipment with which to shoot and experience shooting. 5D and rig and lights will work.
      2. Good friends in porn.

      You will also need to live in Los Angeles, and be prepared to not make a ton of money. Alternatively, you can pay to produce and market content.

    1. “Imagine Hamish McDonald, a Scotsman, sitting down with his Glasgow Morning Herald and seeing an article about how the “Brighton Sex Maniac Strikes Again”. Hamish is shocked and declares that “No Scotsman would do such a thing”. The next day he sits down to read his Glasgow Morning Herald again; and, this time, finds an article about an Aberdeen man whose brutal actions make the Brighton sex maniac seem almost gentlemanly. This fact shows that Hamish was wrong in his opinion but is he going to admit this? Not likely. This time he says, “No true Scotsman would do such a thing” –Anthony Flew

      There are men in porn who are thoroughly bisexual (whether they embrace it or hide from it), but many of the male performers on the straight side of the industry started in gay porn in some capacity. It’s not always full on gay butt sex: it might be just solo masturbation scenes or BJ only scenes as a top. There are no “real” straight men. There are only people, and our definitions shift over time. Not so many generations ago, you were only considered gay if you bottomed.

      Both men and women in porn do things they don’t really want to do for money, because they want the money or the fame or the opportunity for advancement more than they don’t want to get down with a same sex partner or take it in the ass or whatever. Everyone has a price. It’s not always money. For some men, men who are straight in their desires and their private lives, getting the chance to be a porn star is worth thinking-of-Englanding their way through a bit of gay action.

      1. yes ,I know what you mean .I was watching a doc on the backstreet boys and found out what some of them did with the producer to get there spot .your “everyone has a price “quote sounds good but it’s not true .just like the
        samurai ,there are some of us “real” straight men left .
        fame & money mean nothing compared to our manhood.
        we don’t judge others for what they do ,only ourselves.
        yes we do exist !

  2. LOL! Thank you for telling these creepy gross guys with their ridiculous pipe dreams about themselves in your HILARIOUS no-nonsense way. I seriously love your dry humor. I don’t even think they truly even want to get into porn–I think they’re the typical entitled jerks who can’t take no for answer and think THEIR dick pic will be the dick pic that changes your mind about men. Lily, the sexiest things about you are your mind and your wit! So hot!

  3. I think something any guy needs to ask himself is, “Do I *really* want to do this?”

    I’ve had been giving the opportunity to participate in a bukkake scene before, more so I could write about the experience than any aspirations. I turned it down.

    Porn is forever. In the digital age, a scene never, ever goes away and is propagated across the width and breadth of the intertoobs forever (either legitimately or pirated). This isn’t the VHS age where things eventually go out of print and ultimately fade out.

    It’s a tattoo. It becomes part of who one is. And you might get lucky and it never comes up. It might cost you a job or a relationship.

    If you’re okay with that, by all means. Go for it. It wasn’t for me though.

    I also wanted to applaud you, Lily, on the following from an above comment:

    “There are no “real” straight men. There are only people, and our definitions shift over time.”

    Even in the microcosm of my own life, my definitions have changed over time. These days, I’ve elected to stop trying to define my gender and sexuality/preference. I just don’t see the point since neither will ultimately define me.

  4. Thanks for this post. I am male. I tried to work in webcam performer. Failed. Two reasons:
    1. Overweight.
    2. Penis size

    I live in US, but I don’t think I can make that much money. 🙂 Something to learn. The best thing I can do is do an odd jobs in non-adult sites.

  5. Lily, sorry the intimacy. I just think you are great, the princess, the goddess, the queen. I don’t want anything from you. I just want to express my feelings. Love you.

  6. I don’t want to be performer but was intereted in the article or whatever this is. But this just looks like a way to shut guys down tbh. It’s much easier for a women to get in this kind of business because as long as she can be more slutty than anybody she’s good. Doesn’t matter if she’s ugly, skinny, fat, it just doesn’t matter

  7. I’ll never be a male performer? Oh…thank goodness for that! The genre would have to be reclassified horror were it to happen.

    A couple of added points: one is by the very nature of the work the performers are by and large professionals, in that they look out for each other and look after each other, work together to put on a show, and that’s one of the key aspects here, to make a work that they think fans would like. Now by that very nature some of it would be doing things they would not like, much like any job, but they are professional enough that if they have to eat crap (quite literally in a few works) then they are professional enough to close their eyes and chew. Okay, guys sending pics of their penis to a lesbian superstar, one who is well known for having no interest in working with men, begging, “Hire me, hire me,” is not a good start to showing the level of professionalism most in the industry have.

    The other thing worth bringing up is while Kanye West is a very polarizing figure he is absolutely right in saying there is nothing stopping you from being great if you just get out from under yourself, now you may not be on Idol but you can always shoot a video yourself and put it up. What I’m saying here is there are a lot of very talented amateurs out there who are putting their stuff up for free. Can you do that? You have a camera, a computer, or should if you are sending these pics in. How would your work compare to theirs? If you think it can compete then show us what you got.

    Lily Cade, as well as the likes of Tom Byron, Zoey Nixon, Natassia Dreams, ect got to where they are for a reason. Everybody who is great has done the same thing, put in the work, made sacrifices. You are not going to achieve that just with a pic and request for work. Make the effort.

  8. And all I’ve wanted to do was work with gilfs and I still can’t figure out how to get in. I would be perfect since I look younger than 30 and I’m slim, I’m not trying to get with only the hottest girls and be a superstar, I just want to make the scene work and fit in with the right scene, so I’m open to a lot of things. I’ve been in Los Angeles all my life (Burbank now) so I’m right here. Just need to know where the right direction is.
    Very nice post btw it’s a great read

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