If you've been following my twitter, you're aware that for days now I've been engaged in what I'm calling "The Great Twitter War of June 2014". I did not want to fight this, but I'm also not somebody who will allow myself to be bullied with accusations of bigotry for either my sexuality or my artistic expression. To some extent this has been an SF vs LA battle, but it's also been a grown ups vs children battle.
There's more to this, and I may get into later. Certainly I'm archiving some of these tweets. Here's the basics: Chelsea Poe, a pre- or non-op transsexual woman (a human being with a penis and testicles) asked me to cast her in my lesbian porn. I said no, and she accused me of transphobia, and it could have been left at that, but people piled on and piled on and I stood there and fought it because this whole thing is coming from a place of refusal to face reality... and I don't believe in suffering delusion.
Frankly, I still don't think Chelsea and Thelma and all these other uptight, immature people understand why I went to war with them. I tried nuance and I tried grace and I tried everything in my arsenal but if you can't grow up I can't drag you kicking and screaming into the light.
What Chelsea asked me to do was to spend my capital, my energy, the trust of my fanbase that I have built up over six years in porn, to fight for her cause: her cause of proving she is attractive. Chelsea asked me to give her work in my movies. Every time I cast a movie I can't include all my friends and lovers and the women I think are beautiful and the women who I like fucking, but Chelsea demanded that in the name of "equality" I give one of those roles to her and pay for someone to fuck her, so that she could wave her dick in the faces of my lesbian porn fans to make some point about how they should stop being bigots and accept that she's hot.
Attraction isn't bigotry. I fully support the creation of porn that speaks to all kinds of people. I do to some extent, and have many friends who, create porn that features non mainstream looks, that showcases new things that maybe people didn't know they were into, and speaks to some larger truth about the world. I'm not exactly Brazzers. I don't make assembly line porn.
There is tremendous amount of creative energy that goes into the creation of a movie. If you've ever been on set with me, or honestly, if you've ever been on any set, you have seen this. I don't just shoot a scene; I write scripts, I book locations, I choose pairings who bring something to the scene I want to see. I make stories that speak to me, and I make porn that I think is hot. So there's the artist side; here's the whore. Honey, sweetie, darling, let me try to say this so you can understand me: I'm not the only director in porn who won't shoot you if you don't make my dick hard. To make what I make is a collaboration. My sexual energy is all over my work, whether I'm in the scene or not. Chelsea, if you want to make porn that speaks to you I wholeheartedly support you as my fellow artist, but your work is not my work.
Why should I fight your battle? Why should I risk the ire of my fans for you? What the fuck has Chelsea Poe ever done for me other than come at me with accusations? This is profound entitlement, and it's disgusting, and I chose not to back down because I do not let people tell me what to do. I have fought too long and too hard for this little patch of ground I stand on. This isn't about civil rights; this is about believing that just because you want something, other people have an obligation to give it to you.
This went, over the course of three days, from me saying I liked RuPaul and that I didn't want to suck dick to a whole bunch of people suggesting using the law to force "inclusive casting" onto me as a director/producer...as if I don't discriminate against all sorts of women all the time because I don't think they are pretty or I don't like them as people. I think it finally broke over last night when a lot of people I know, both trans and not, joined in to point out how utterly ridiculous the concept of fighting "employment discrimination" in porn truly is. I do not owe anyone validation, and if you're seeking that from outside yourself anyway, you really just need to step off the battlefield and get right with yourself.
The process of growing up doesn't happen overnight. It happens in fits and starts and sometimes by fire and blood. Part of becoming an adult is running headlong into failure, in having NO slap you in the face, and accepting that some doors stay closed. I talk about this thing I call "looking into the void," which means understanding and accepting the bad so you can focus on the good. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, death comes for all of us and we all fall short of our dreams. You must love yourself anyway, because lasting happiness comes from inside. Let's bring this full circle, bitch. It all comes back to RuPaul: "If you don't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" And how the hell is anybody else gonna love you?