Why I do this

I love porn. I love my job. I'm really a very happy person who is doing something that she loves.

I recently went to New York (and I'll write more extensively about it later) and got to work with a lot of people who, like me, were doing porn because they wanted to do it instead of because they didn't know what else to do with their lives. It was refreshing, to be with fellow artists, with people with vision, and to help them realize that vision.

I tweeted a lot about it, and I've decided to collect some of those thoughts here instead:

I do porn because I want to, because I need to, because it's me. So much of porn sex is pantomime, but acting is feeling. I strive in my work not for "reality" but for authenticity. I hate scenes where the characters fall away in the sex and all that's left is porno. I want to fuck you like I'm in love with you, but I'm not in love with you. We just both know what love is and how to bring it to the table. Most of time the "reality" is we barely even know each other and your pussy tastes like douche water and there's crewman all around. We might not be that into each other, but we're performers, we're entertainers and I can find something about you that I love. Authenticity is that I want you, and in that moment it's just us, and I can show you things that you don't know that you can feel.

That's why I'm good, and I don't care if you think I'm pretty, because I touch people and I mean it and there's no one else like me. I do scenes that are just scenes and have sex I forget, but when you get it, and you're there with me, porn is the best drug in the world. I'll do a good scene with you, even if you're lazy and don't know why you're doing this and don't understand sex and will be gone in a month - and there are so many girls like that, bad at sex the way child actors are bad at acting, because they have not yet had the experiences they are trying to portray - but great scenes are made with people who get that sex is necessary and perform because they want to, because they have to, and that's real.

We fuck because we're dying, a little bit at a time, because we're tragic and ephemeral and all we have in this universe is each other. That's why I fucking do this.

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