On Shaming and Outing

I got the following question on tumblr:

I've heard many performers say how much they do not enjoy working with women who are not into women. Why do they not "out" these particular women to shame them and keep them out of Lesbian porn?

This was my response:

1. It’s bad for business on many levels. First of all, if some girl is on the record that a scene sucks, or that she hated working with someone, that could affect the sales of that scene. Do you think a company is going to want to work with a girl who talks shit on the record? Do you think other performers are going to want to work with a girl who does that? Most fans can’t really tell if there’s a connection or not (which isn’t to say some fans can’t… but the scene and the experience of shooting it are different animals).

2. We call you guys “civilians” for a reason. We do this job, and we understand it, and we have taken on the cost of it. We’re a community, albeit a strange and often drama-riddled one. I’ve always said that porn is high school (you’re either a teacher or a student, but you’re going to be in high school forever) but my lover described it as being like a small town and I think that’s apt. The talent are in high school, the rest of the business is like the town for whom high school football is the most important thing going on. We talk mad shit, to each other, all the time…but we don’t tell you about it. We do tell directors and other talent which girls suck. I don’t like lazy girls. I don’t like girls who show up on set and don’t want to work, and do the bare minimum effort to model on video rather than fucking. I just don’t hire those girls, and when other directors or models ask me, I tell it like it is.

I’ve compared porn to pro wrestling, and there’s a touch of “kayfabe” to porn too. Everyone is always hot for everyone else. We love every scene we do. We’re always horny. We don’t tell you about the fact that this girl has hygiene problems, or that girl has begun a slow descent into addiction, or the other girl is a bitch, or that it took 18 hours to shoot that scene and we just wanted to go home, or that we just had no chemistry with each other and had to get through it anyway. We don’t need to show you how the sausage gets made.

3. Do you trash talk women you fuck? In public? I certainly don’t. Even if I didn’t like the experience, I was still intimate with this other, fellow human. I have far more allegiance to her than I do to the Internet. Oh, I’ll tell the story, if it’s funny, but I don’t believe in shame. You have to understand that people have different reasons for coming to this business, and not everybody is an artist or a devotee of the church of sex. Some girls just need the fucking money. I don’t like working with those girls, and I won’t hire girls who don’t do this because they love it, but if I’m on set with her, I’m going to treat her right. I’m going to do everything in my power to break that porno glass and connect. I’m usually able to do so.

4. Most of the women in porn are more into men than women. It’s just to varying degrees. It’s not “gay for pay” vs “lesbian”. It’s a spectrum, and there’s a lot of nuance to it. Some of the women I have done my best scenes with aren’t attracted to women the way that someone like me is. Maybe a woman’s body and scent isn’t what she thinks about to turn herself on… but she loves sex, and she can connect with a person, regardless of the form that person takes. I’ve also had great connections with girls absolutely everyone told me were awful and “g4p”… but I’m sometimes enough of a boy that it doesn’t matter. Like I said, nuance.


  1. You have a great outlook on the above subject. The world you present to us is a fantasy world and thank goodness it stays that way. A huge portion of my libido is in my noggin and when met with real life as opposed to fantasy, well real life don’t always stack up. You treat folks with respect and give the best effort you can and it shows…over and over again.

    Thanks for your insights.

  2. Word. I cringe when I hear these pornstars say how they don’t like girls who aren’t into other girls or certain g/g companies won’t employ gay4pay girls. None of these girls are LBGTQ and they all have heterosexual privilege. The idea that these barbie doll pornstars are standing up for bisexuality or lesbianism is hilarious. It would be like Donald Trump standing up for the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

    I blame social media for making every young dumb straight girl thinking she has to identify as bisexual or pansexual. Porn is not about sexuality. Asa Akira is as straight as an arrow and is one of the best g/g performers of all time. Some of the hottest scenes out there are with girls inexperienced with doing g/g. As opposed to the supposed real “bisexuals” who bore in scene after scene. 98% of female pornstars probably had their first g/g experience in porn. Some get good at it. Other always stink. But again, it has nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with the performer.

  3. I really dig this thread. I myself have compared adult stars and pro wrestlers on so many levels. Fans don’t seem to understand that both forms of entertainment are about story telling, marketing and getting your ass to tune in next week. Most don’t understand in both businesses that it is simply actors either playing a heel or a baby face in the name of story. Some actors are better than most, they can portray any character, be the good guy or the bad guy, work with anyone no matter how big an ego they have or how little experience they have and make their scene just amazing. To me I find it amazing you referenced wrestling as a comparative narrative to porn, for in this porn fan of twenty plus years opinion, both industries today lack what made them great & are being dominated by beautiful people who look the part but have zero work ethic, compassion for their co-workers or fans and seem to only care of themselves and it shows in both products. You have people on top who years ago would never even make a box cover let alone be a promo model for AVN. Just like the WWE, the Bella twins years ago were never beyond mid card, now they headline because of their beauty. They do not put other girls over, they stink as wrestlers, have zero mic skills but because of where their business is going, they are tops. I can see this in the adult world as well. I really love this business and I truly hope the Lily Cade’s of this world emerge as it’s torch bearers and not people who never talk to fans, sell items on their sites and never ship them because they are “too busy” or worse, treat other Girl’s like shot, throw them under the bus because they were blessed with a phenomenal body, beautiful face and a selfish attitude. I have gone to AVN for years and it has changed so much in terms like you and I describe with talent. Wrestling will soon fall, it’s product is starting to become rejected, in 30 years, I predict it will be back to what it was in the 1980’s. I would be devastated if this happens to the adult world in 30 years. A tragic fall because of the lack of continuing what made you great, or the investment in people that will burn the industry and every girl in it to make a buck. But nothing is past being fixed. The way you talk of girls watching each others backs, putting each other over is what makes this business great and as it becomes more and more accepted by mainstream society, you lovely ladies will need that togetherness to conquer the pitfalls super success brings. Trust me, my day job is in publishing and it is that greed and lust for power that has made my industry so fucking PC and is now bringing it down to it’s knees in the face of the future.

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